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Showerthought: does saying 'sorry' too much actually make you look weak or just polite?
I was at the grocery line last week and this guy bumped into me, apologized like 5 times, and I thought he was nice but my friend whispered that he seemed like a pushover. What do you think, does over-apologizing backfire or is it just being decent?
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danielhenderson1mo agoTop Commenter
The trick is matching your apology to the moment. If I bump into someone and say "my bad" once and move on, that's fine. Apologizing five times in a row makes people wonder if you're about to ask them for a loan or something. Save the multiple apologies for when you actually spill coffee on their laptop or run over their dog. One clean sorry, a quick explanation if it helps, then shut up and let them respond. That's the sweet spot between being a doormat and a jerk.
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williamhill1mo ago
Right, so your friend is that person in every group who thinks confidence means never saying sorry. I bet they also think holding eye contact too long makes you look "dominant" like a weird lizard or something.
Over-apologizing does look weak if you're doing it for every tiny thing, like apologizing to a chair you bumped into. But the grocery line guy probably just wanted to get out of your way fast, not negotiate a peace treaty.
The real secret is that nobody actually remembers the apology after 20 seconds anyway. They remember if you were weird about it or not.
People who never apologize just look like they think they're better than everyone else. Sorry. I mean, I'm not sorry for saying that.
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