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Vent: A date told me I talked too much about work and it stung
She said I spent 20 minutes going on about my office drama and never asked her one thing about herself. Now I literally set a mental timer on dates to make sure I'm not dominating the convo lol, has anyone else had to retrain how they talk to people?
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jordan_young1mo ago
Have you tried asking yourself a simple question before your next date, like "what do I actually want to learn about this person?" Setting a mental timer sounds like a good start, but it might be missing the bigger picture. The real trick is shifting your focus from managing your own talking to genuinely being curious about someone else. I've seen folks jot down a couple of open-ended questions they want to ask, just to keep themselves on track without it feeling forced. It takes practice, but it gets easier once you make it a habit to listen more than you speak.
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nancy5241mo ago
Honestly, that's such a solid point about writing down a couple of open-ended questions. I used to go into dates with zero plan and just ramble about whatever came to mind, but now I literally keep a note on my phone with 3 simple questions I want to ask. Like last week, I asked this guy what his weirdest family tradition was and it ended up being the whole conversation. It's crazy how just having a little focus can make you actually listen instead of worrying about what to say next. Tbh, the mental timer thing never worked for me either, it just made me feel awkward. Making it a habit to be curious feels way more natural.
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margareth488d ago
I was just reading something the other day about how people who ask follow-up questions are way more liked on dates than people who just talk about themselves. It makes sense because if you're really listening, you'll naturally think of something to ask next without it feeling like an interview. That note on your phone idea is smart, I might have to steal that for myself. I think the whole key is just letting go of trying to impress and instead focusing on whether you even want a second date with them.
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