Changed my mind about giving second chances to old friends

I always thought I was being mature by reconnecting with people who burned me, but after my ex-best friend from high school ghosted me again 3 weeks ago, I realized I was just ignoring red flags. She promised she'd changed but then forgot my birthday two years in a row. Has anyone else found that 'forgiving' just lets them keep hurting you?

2 comments

2 Comments

sam179d ago

You're saying she "forgot your birthday two years in a row" and I'm wondering if that's really the hill to die on here. I mean people forget stuff sometimes, even important stuff, it doesn't automatically mean they're out to hurt you. You're reading a lot into a couple of missed birthdays and one ghosting after a long time apart. Maybe she's just flaky or busy or bad at keeping in touch and it has nothing to do with old grudges. Feels like you're setting yourself up to be disappointed by expecting some grand transformation. Sometimes people just drift and it's not that deep.

piper9128d ago

Gently push back on that last bit a little, @sam17. I get what you're saying about drifting, but two birthdays in a row plus a ghosting feels less like a normal drift and more like a pattern. Like, I've got a friend who's notoriously flaky and she still manages a quick "happy bday" text. It takes five seconds. If she straight up forgot twice, that's not just being busy, that's actively not caring enough to remember. And the ghosting after a long time apart? That's the part that stings the most, because it's a choice to just disappear instead of saying "hey, life got crazy.