Compared calling someone out publicly vs privately after that whole book club drama last week

I saw this thread pop up from someone in my neighborhood group who got called out on Facebook for recommending a book with some questionable old takes. Instead of the usual pile on, the original poster that called them out messaged them first. They talked for like an hour on the phone. The person actually listened, apologized, and even posted a follow up saying they learned something. Meanwhile another lady got blasted publicly for using an outdated term and it turned into a three day war with screenshots and people picking sides. Night and day. Private call ended with understanding, public call ended with everyone hurt and nobody changing their mind. Has anyone else seen one work way better than the other?

3 comments

3 Comments

the_hugo1mo ago

Isnt it wild how the same principle shows up everywhere though? Like I see it at work too when somebody messes up a task, the manager who pulls them aside gets way more done than the one who cc's the whole team on an email. It just makes you think how much of this public shaming stuff is more about making ourselves feel righteous than actually fixing anything.

gibson.elizabeth1mo ago

Wait a full hour on the phone? That blows my mind. I honestly didn't think anyone would actually sit down and talk that long with someone who called them out. Most people just block and move on or go on the defensive. That kind of time and patience is pretty rare in my experience. Makes me wonder if we all just need to slow down and actually have real conversations instead of typing angry paragraphs into a comment box.

henry_martinez1mo agoTop Commenter

Yeah I used to be all about public callouts thinking it was the only way to hold people accountable. But seeing how that private convo actually got through to someone kinda flipped my view on this. It makes me wonder how many people I've just made mad instead of helping them see the issue.