My date at that Italian place went sideways when I tried to explain my job

So I met this person for dinner at Giuseppe's downtown last Friday, and about 20 minutes in they asked what I do. I work in IT support, nothing crazy, but I started rambling about how I fixed a server crash that morning. Mid-sentence I noticed they were staring at their water glass, not even blinking. Then the waiter came and they ordered a second glass of wine before I even finished my story. I mean, maybe it was just me but I felt like I was boring them to death. I tried switching to movies and stuff, but the vibe was gone. Has anyone else totally killed the mood by accident like that?

3 comments

3 Comments

betty13629d ago

Honestly sounds like YOU were the one bored, not them.

valh3228d ago

Betty, you're not wrong but I think there's more to it. @betty136 look at it from the side of the person who's actually lonely. Sometimes when you're the one who feels left out, you don't even realize you're projecting that boredom onto everyone else. You just assume they must be as checked out as you are, so you make excuses for them. But really, they might be fine just sitting there enjoying the quiet or waiting for a good moment to jump in. I've been that person stuck in a group where I felt invisible, and I'd tell myself everyone else was bored too, just to feel less alone in my own head. It's a weird defense mechanism that ends up making the situation worse because you're not actually talking about what's really going on.

gray628d ago

I remember reading a study a few years back that talked about how loneliness can actually distort your perception of social situations. It said people who feel isolated tend to overestimate how negative others are feeling around them, almost like a fog that colors everything. @valh32 your comment about a defense mechanism really hit home for me because I think that explains a lot of what happens in those quiet group moments. Its easier to blame the group for being boring than to admit you feel like you dont belong, even if no one else is actually unhappy. That kind of mind game just keeps you stuck in your own head and makes it harder to reach out.