Unpopular opinion: getting 'you talk too much' feedback on a date actually helped me

I went on a date with a guy at that coffee shop on 3rd Street and he flat out said I interrupted him three times in the first hour. I got defensive at first but then I started listening more on dates, and now I notice way more red flags before the check arrives. Anyone else been confronted with something harsh that actually improved their dating game?

2 comments

2 Comments

jessicac281mo ago

Gently pushing back on that being a red flag thing though. Hearing someone out and actually paying attention is important, but I don't think noticing more red flags is automatically a win. Sometimes that can make you hyper vigilant and you shut people down too fast. Like sure, missing some obvious warning signs is bad, but I've had friends who started overanalyzing every little thing and it turned into them being suspicious of anyone who talked a certain way. It's a fine line between being smart and being too guarded.

tyler_bell29d ago

Yeah you're not wrong about the hyper vigilant thing. That line between being smart and being too guarded you mentioned really hit me because I used to be the guy who thought noticing more red flags was always a positive. But after dating someone who was actually great but I kept picking apart every little thing she said, I realized I was just looking for reasons to bail. It took me a while to see that reading too much into small stuff like how they order coffee or laugh at a joke just makes you miss real connections. So yeah, that feedback helped me listen better but I also had to learn when to stop analyzing and just let things play out natural.