Found out I was apologizing to my kids for the wrong things

My 8-year-old told me I say 'sorry for the divorce' but never ask how their day went, and that hit me like a ton of bricks. Has anyone else had a kid call them out on something that made you completely change how you talk to them?

3 comments

3 Comments

terrybennett2mo ago

Take that wisdom and run with it, honestly. Kids see straight through the big dramatic apologies and just want you to be present in the small stuff, like asking about their day.

margaret_jackson732mo ago

My 8-year-old said the same thing to me last spring. I was always apologizing for being tired or for not having enough money for fun stuff, but they just wanted me to sit down and ask about their day. So I set a timer on my phone for 5:30 every evening and it goes off to remind me to stop what I'm doing and just talk to them. No phone, no TV, just me and them for ten minutes. It feels awkward at first but now they tell me things without me even asking. That little change fixed more than any big apology ever did.

kim.xena1mo ago

I actually found the whole "kids want presence not presents" thing really clicked for me when my nephew said something similar to my brother (who was always working crazy hours, you know). @terrybennett nailed it with that "see straight through the big dramatic apologies" bit because kids are basically lie detectors for that stuff. But here's the thing nobody mentions - sometimes the guilt we feel about not being around actually makes us try way too hard when we do have time, like bringing home toys or planning these big outings that exhaust everyone. My sister does that with her kids and they just want her to sit on the floor and play Legos for fifteen minutes without her phone, not a trip to the water park. The timer idea from Margaret is honestly genius because it takes the pressure off you to come up with something huge, just a little window where they know you'll be fully there.