The 6 month difference in how I talk to my kids about the split

I was at a coffee shop in Denver last weekend and overheard a mom talking to her friend about how she phrases things with her kids after divorce. It hit me that I've been doing it so wrong for the first 3 months after we separated. I used to say stuff like "your dad moved out because we couldn't get along" which made my 8 year old cry every time. Then my therapist gave me this one line to try: "Your dad and I both love you, we just couldn't live together anymore." That was 6 months ago. Now my kids ask way fewer sad questions, they don't blame themselves, and my daughter actually asked if she could invite both me and my ex to her school play last month. The wording change made a bigger difference than I ever thought it would. Has anyone else found a specific phrase that worked better than what they were saying before?

2 comments

2 Comments

elliot454d ago

Is it weird that the biggest change for me was actually stopping myself from over-explaining? I used to give my kids a whole timeline of reasons and justifications thinking it would help them understand, but it only confused them more. I switched to shorter, more neutral phrases like "we both think you're amazing and that hasn't changed" and it settled things down way faster. You're right that the simpler the message, the less room they have to twist it into something about themselves. Kids just need the emotional safety net, not the adult drama details.

grant.nina4d ago

Less is more, for real.