Therapy solo vs. joint sessions after separation, totally different results for me

Tried doing couples counseling with my ex for like 4 months after we split. Felt like we were just rehashing the same fights over and over. Then I switched to solo therapy with the same counselor. In 3 sessions I actually figured out why I kept picking the same type of partner. Night and day difference. Has anyone else found solo work way more helpful than dragging the ex along?

2 comments

2 Comments

victorb741mo ago

Had a similar thing when I tried going to marriage counseling with my wife after she moved out. Spent six weeks just hashing out who forgot to take out the trash and who texted whose mom too much. Worthless. Went to the same guy by myself and in two sessions he pointed out I was basically repeating my dad's patterns without even realizing it. Solo work cuts through the noise way faster.

norag661mo ago

i mean i get what youre saying but i kinda see it the other way. couples counseling is supposed to be about the relationship not just one persons issues. if you two couldnt even talk about the trash without it blowing up then maybe the therapist sucked at keeping things on track. solo work is important too but it doesnt fix the actual problems between two people. my husband and i went through a rough patch and our counselor actually made us both look at our own stuff while still working on how we talked to each other. it was annoying sometimes but we had to do both. skipping the couples part just means you fix yourself but the relationship stays broken if the other person isnt doing the same work.