c/broken-social-norms

10

jamie_smith•2d ago

TIL my 22 year old coworker changed how I think about personal space

I was on the bus last week in Portland and this young guy sat right next to me even though the whole back was empty. I got annoyed until he explained he does it on purpose to challenge the norm of avoiding strangers. He said we lose connection when we treat everyone like a threat. Is there any research on how much isolation costs us socially?

6

laura_black31•2d ago

At a wedding last weekend I watched the groom open gifts while everyone was eating cake

I was at my cousin's wedding in Columbus and the couple opened presents right there during the reception while people were still finishing dinner. It felt weird because nobody really knew what to do, watch them or keep eating. Is opening gifts in front of everyone a normal thing now or did I just grow up in a weird family where that was private?

2

elizabethn56•2d ago

Overheard a barista say 'small talk is a tax on introverts' and now I can't stop thinking about it

I was waiting for my coffee at a shop in Portland and this barista told a customer she thinks casual chit-chat is basically a fee we pay for being in public. It made me wonder if skipping the 'how are you' script is rude or just honest. Anyone else ever just not respond to a stranger's small talk?

2

terry_lewis21•2d ago

Stumbled on a stat that only 12% of people eat alone in restaurants on purpose and not by accident

I dug into a study from a food service blog last night and found out most people think eating solo in a diner is weird, so I sat at a counter in Austin last week just to test it and got three stares but zero conversations.

15

samwalker•3d ago

Hot take: staring at people in public is actually aggressive, not just awkward

I tried this thing last week where I just refused to look away when someone made eye contact on the subway in Chicago. My friend said I was being a jerk but I wanted to test if the "polite glance down" is really necessary or just a social construct. Within 3 stops I had a guy get off early because he was so uncomfortable. It made me wonder if we're all just trained to avoid conflict when staring back is the more honest move. What do you all think - is the quick look away actually polite or just cowardly?

21

the_piper•4d ago

Got called out by a cashier for buying all discounted meat at once

At the Kroger in Nashville last Thursday, the lady at the register said "you know that's about 4 family's worth right there" and I just said "yeah, its for my freezer" but she kept staring at me like I was hoarding it. Has anyone else had a stranger judge them for buying in bulk?

19

cameron538•5d ago

Hot take: I used to think paying $15 for a haircut was stupid until my barber told me I had a 'cowlick crown' and showed me how to style it.

That random comment in his chair last month changed my whole mindset about cheap cuts, so now I'm wondering who else had a service worker drop some truth that actually stuck with you?

9

the_pat•5d ago

TIL a $60 'miracle' stain remover ruined my favorite couch cushion

So I got this spray from a home show last weekend, some guy swore it would pull out red wine stains like magic. My couch had this old spill from a party back in June, figured why not. Sprayed it on, waited, wiped. Now the cushion has a weird faded circle that's way more noticeable than the wine stain was. Called the company, they said I used too much. Total waste of sixty bucks. Anyone else fall for these overpriced cleaning gimmicks?

4

olivia_bailey•6d ago

TIL that waving at strangers on a rural road isn't normal everywhere.

Grew up in a small town where you wave at every passing car, even if you don't know them. Moved to a city outside of Portland about 3 years ago and kept doing it out of habit. One day this guy in a pickup flipped me off because I waved at him from my truck. Realized pretty quick that city folks think you're either mocking them or trying to sell something. Has anyone else had that awkward moment where a habit from home just doesn't work in a new place?

15

jake_owens•6d ago

Why does nobody talk about how much we waste on unused subscription services

I checked my bank statements last week and found $47 a month going to three different streaming services I hadn't touched in over 6 months. One was a cooking app I signed up for a single recipe back in February. The total hit me at around $564 a year just on stuff I forgot about. Has anyone else dug through their subscriptions recently and found this kind of waste?

19

the_pat•7d ago

Vent: Threw $300 at a standing desk converter and now my back hurts worse

Bought this electric sit-stand thing from a shop in Portland. Thought it'd fix my slouch. Now I just stand in the same hunched position. Spent two weeks adjusting heights and it still wobbles. Feel like I got played by the whole ergonomic trend. Anyone else ditch their standing setup and go back to a regular desk?

2

sam17•7d ago

Talking to my younger cousin made me think twice about something

My 19-year-old cousin came over last week and saw me scrolling on my phone during dinner. She told me it was rude and that older people always do that now. I got defensive at first but then I realized she was right. When I was her age, you never had a phone out at the table. Now I do it without even thinking. It hit me that the norm shifted so slowly I didn't notice I became the one breaking the old rule. She called me out gently but it stung because she was correct. Has anyone else had a younger person call them out on something you thought was totally normal?

24

campbell.tara•8d ago

That 'polite disagreement' code is ruining real conversations

I sat in on a team meeting last Tuesday and watched six people nod along to a terrible idea because nobody wanted to break the unspoken rule of 'keep it civil.' One guy finally said 'I see it different' and the boss literally sighed like he'd insulted his mother. We lost 2 months on a project that could've been fixed in 20 minutes if someone had just said 'this is wrong' instead of dancing around it. Why are we so scared to just call bad ideas bad without dressing it up in five disclaimers? Has anyone else noticed the whole 'agree to disagree' culture actually just stops us from fixing stuff?

24

jordan_anderson90•11d ago

Stopped making eye contact on the subway for a week straight - wild difference in how people treated me

I live in Chicago and usually do the whole polite nod and quick eye glance thing when I get on the train. Last month I decided to just stare at my phone the whole time for 5 days straight. People actually bumped into me way more, but I also had zero random conversations and felt way less drained when I got home. Has anyone else tried totally ignoring eye contact in public spaces and noticed a change?

13

patricia_green21•13d ago

Showerthought: My dad told me never to accept a job with a 401k match under 5% and after ignoring him for 3 years I finally got one at 6% in Austin.

I took a job at a startup that matched 2% and thought I was being smart because the culture was fun, but after watching my buddy at Dell in Austin pocket 6% free money from day one I realized dad knew what he was talking about. Has anyone else ignored parent advice about money only to get burned later?

5

julia_carter70•14d ago

Why does nobody talk about eating cold pizza for breakfast in the office?

I work at a call center in Phoenix and got tired of the $8 cafeteria eggs. Started bringing leftover pizza from home, eating it straight from the fridge at 7 AM. Coworkers stared like I was committing a crime, but my breakfast budget dropped to zero. Anybody else have a strange morning food habit that actually works?

5

martin.paige•14d ago

Tried saying no to a church bake sale request and nobody yelled at me

I've been part of my local church in Akron for about 6 years and I always say yes to bake sale donations, even when I'm swamped. Last month I had a huge work deadline and just told the coordinator I couldn't do it this time, no excuses. She just said okay and moved on to the next person on her list. Has anyone else tested the boundaries of automatic social obligations and found it way easier than you expected?

12

felix824•15d ago

Had a weird moment at a funeral last Saturday in Portland

I went to my aunt's funeral and everyone was crying and talking about how great she was. But honestly, she was kind of a mean person who made people feel bad. I sat there quiet while everyone said nice things, and it felt wrong to go along with it. Why do we pretend dead people were perfect when they weren't? Has anyone else sat through a funeral where the person wasn't actually that great?

18

zarab24•16d ago

I told a stranger at the bus stop that I liked her outfit and she froze like I insulted her

Last Tuesday in Portland I was waiting for the 72 bus and this woman had on this really cool vintage denim jacket with embroidered flowers. I just said hey nice jacket where did you get it and she literally stepped back and stared at me for like five seconds without saying anything. Then she mumbled something about it being her grandmother's and turned away. I felt like I had broken some unspoken rule about not talking to people in public anymore. It's weird because I was just trying to be friendly not hit on her or anything. Has anyone else had a simple compliment get treated like a threat?

1

valh32•16d ago

The time I stopped shaking hands at a networking event in Chicago

I was at a professional mixer at the Merchandise Mart last Tuesday and someone reached out for a handshake. I just nodded and said 'nice to meet you' with my hands in my pockets. About 4 people acted like I insulted their grandma. Why do we still do this weird grip-and-grin thing anyway? Has anyone else just stopped doing handshakes and seen people freak out?

16

the_holly•16d ago

Why I stopped holding doors open for people downtown

I walked through the main entrance at the 7th Street transit hub in Denver last week, held the door for a guy with a coffee, and he just stared at me like I was trying to sell him something. The third time it happened that day, I just let the door slam behind me and kept walking. Is it just me or has basic courtesy become suspicious in busy public spaces?

18

evan_campbell•16d ago

Went to a funeral home open house last month and nobody mentioned you're allowed to laugh

My aunt's memorial was at this place in Toledo that had a whole wall of beer steins and a disco ball in the visitation room, but everyone kept whispering like we were in a library, and I couldn't figure out why that felt so wrong.

2

jessicaflores•16d ago

TIL those 'no soliciting' signs actually work if you make eye contact and point at them

For years I thought they were just decoration, but last Tuesday a guy from a window company came to my door. I just looked at him, pointed at my sign, and he actually turned around and left. No words, no awkwardness. It felt weirdly powerful, like I had unlocked a secret level of home defense. Has anyone else had a soliciter actually respect the sign?

22

olivia_bailey•17d ago

Got called out by a framing crew lead and stopped using a speed square for every cut

I used to pull out my speed square for every single rafter cut, even on simple stuff. Last month on a job in Salem, the crew lead watched me and said "you're wasting time, just mark the pitch angle and go." He showed me how to read the common rafters on the square itself instead of measuring each angle. I tried his method on a 12/12 roof and cut 30 rafters in half the time. Has anyone else had a pro call them out on a habit that slowed them down?

10

xena373•18d ago

Hit 10,000 steps at 2pm today just by pacing during phone calls

I was on three conference calls for work and realized I walked 6 miles in my living room without even thinking about it which made me wonder if anyone else accidentally breaks social norms by walking in circles while talking.