Had a weird moment at a funeral last Saturday in Portland

I went to my aunt's funeral and everyone was crying and talking about how great she was. But honestly, she was kind of a mean person who made people feel bad. I sat there quiet while everyone said nice things, and it felt wrong to go along with it. Why do we pretend dead people were perfect when they weren't? Has anyone else sat through a funeral where the person wasn't actually that great?

3 comments

3 Comments

rowan215d ago

Yeah but that's kind of the point of a funeral though, isn't it? It's not for the person who died, it's for the people left behind who need to feel okay about things. Like, I get what you're saying, my grandma was also not a great person, she said awful things to my mom for years. But at her funeral I still sat there and nodded along when people talked about her cooking. Nobody wants to be the guy standing up going "actually she was pretty mean" while everyone else is trying to grieve in their own way. It's more about being polite and letting people have their moment than it is about being completely honest.

rowanellis15d ago

Think that's basically what funerals are though, a group agreement to only talk about the good stuff for a few hours. Like we all know Uncle Bob was a gambling addict who stole from the church bake sale, but sure, let's spend 20 minutes on his "generous spirit" instead. Honestly, the whole thing is just a giant game of keep away with the truth until the reception starts and everyone can drink enough to forget they're lying. Gotta love how we turn messy complicated people into Hallmark cards the second they stop breathing.

hugo_bennett15d ago

Nodding along about her cooking even though she was mean" - that part gets me. But heres my question: whose comfort actually matters more at a funeral? The crying cousin who only saw her twice a year and remembers the good christmas dinners, or the people who actually lived with the day to day crap and had to forgive her every morning just to get through breakfast? Because it feels like the polite lie ends up being for the people who didnt have to deal with her worst side. And the ones who did just have to swallow it all down and clap.