I was giving advice all wrong until a friend in Chicago said 'stop fixing, just listen'

For years, when someone came to me with a problem, I'd jump straight to solutions (you know, the 'here's what you should do' stuff). Then my buddy Mark was venting about his job over a beer last month, and I launched into my usual fix-it mode. He just looked at me and said, 'Dude, I don't need you to solve it. I just need you to hear it.' That was the tip-off. I realized my 'help' was just me wanting to feel useful, not actually helping him. Has anyone else had to learn to shut up and just be there for someone?

3 comments

3 Comments

rowanellis1mo ago

Wait, Mark said that over a beer? That's some real wisdom right there.

benc531mo ago

Hold up, Mark was drinking a beer? I thought he quit.

oliver_wilson4927d ago

Totally feel you on that. Those casual conversations where someone just drops something real can hit different than any book or lecture. I've had a few of those moments with buddies where we're just sitting around and someone says something that just sticks with you for days. Like once a friend told me "most people are just trying their best with what they've got" and it completely changed how I deal with difficult tenants. It's those unguarded moments that show you who someone really is.