That one manager who told me I was 'too ambitious' for a promotion still bugs me

I was at a team meeting last year and my boss pulled me aside after to say I was coming on too strong asking for more responsibility. She literally said 'you're making the other guys look bad' and I just stood there not knowing what to say. Has anyone else had a boss hold you back instead of helping you grow?

2 comments

2 Comments

charlienelson1mo ago

Well that part about "making the other guys look bad" is actually pretty revealing. It sounds less like she thought you were too ambitious and more like she didn't want to deal with the trouble of managing a team where one person was clearly outperforming the rest. That's a lazy manager problem, not an ambition problem. Plenty of bosses get nervous when someone wants to move up fast because it means they have to actually justify their own position or put in work to develop you. Hold back like that usually comes from insecurity on their part. They'd rather keep the whole team at the same level than deal with the paperwork or the awkward conversations. Still, there's a lesson in there about reading the room. If a boss says you're coming on too strong, sometimes it's worth backing off a bit and finding a different way to push forward. Maybe ask for a mentor outside your direct chain of command, or look for sideways moves that build your resume without making waves.

james_kim1mo ago

Yeah, I really agree with what charlienelson said about lazy managers. That part about them not wanting to deal with the trouble of managing a team where someone outperforms everyone else is spot on. I've seen that happen before and it usually means the boss doesn't want to do the extra work of building you up. A good manager would see your ambition as a chance to help you grow, not as a threat to their own job. I'd say the real trick is to figure out early on if your boss is the kind who will support you or just wants to keep everyone comfortable. If it's the second one, then yeah, start looking for mentors outside your team or even a new role somewhere else. It's not about backing off completely, it's about putting your energy where it'll actually pay off.