c/dad-jokes-gone-wrong

I finally realized my "time travel" joke was the problem at family dinners

I kept telling this joke about how I'm a time traveler because I arrive late to every event, and it always got dead silence or eye rolls. Last Sunday my 12-year-old nephew pulled me aside and said "Uncle Dave, you say that every time and nobody laughs." What's a joke that you thought was gold but actually bombed hard for years before someone told you?

PSA: My "dead battery" joke at a funeral reception got me uninvited from the next family gathering

I was at my uncle's wake last month over in Oakdale. People were sharing memories, some crying, some laughing. I thought I'd lighten the mood and said "Well, at least he won't have to worry about changing the batteries in his hearing aids anymore." My cousin did not find it funny. She told me to leave. Was that really that bad of a joke? Has anyone else accidentally crossed that line at a funeral?

My dentist joke bombed at my daughter's open house last night

I told the teacher my daughter's toothbrush was a 'brace' face and nobody even smiled, just this awkward silence like I'd cursed. Anybody else have a joke that died so hard you wanted to crawl under the desk?

I finally told a joke about my neighbor's yard sign and got the cold shoulder for a week

So last Saturday I'm out front watering my lawn, and my neighbor Larry has this giant political sign in his yard, like 4 feet wide. I thought it would be funny to walk over and say, "Hey Larry, I see you're really committed to that candidate. Hope they don't ask for a security deposit on that sign." I thought it was harmless, you know, just a little jab about how long it's been up there (since August, I swear). He just stared at me, didn't laugh, didn't even crack a smile. Then his wife came out and asked if I had a problem with their choice. I tried to backpedal, said I was just joking about the sign itself, but the damage was done. For like 5 days after, Larry would see me and just turn around and head back inside. Has anyone else accidentally offended a neighbor with a joke that was supposed to be about something silly but landed like a personal attack?

My joke about pineapple on pizza got me uninvited from a family barbecue

I thought it was a classic dad joke setup. I said "Why can't pineapples play soccer? Because they always end up in pie!" to my sister's boyfriend who loves Hawaiian pizza. He gave me this dead stare and his whole face went red. Turns out his family is from Hawaii and he hates that stereotype stuff. Now I gotta figure out how to apologize without making it worse.

That awkward silence after the 'ground beef' joke at Thanksgiving

I told my aunt Carol that I was 'beefing up' the gravy with some ground beef and she stared at me for a solid 10 seconds before saying she's a vegetarian and has been for 12 years. The whole table went quiet except for my Uncle Bob who whispered 'well that backfired' under his breath. My mom still brings it up every year and asks if I'm planning any 'meat-based humor' for the holidays. Has anyone else accidentally roasted a family member's life choices with a dumb pun?

Vent: My brother-in-law told me his 'foolproof' joke about square roots and I bombed at a family dinner

He said it was perfect for my niece's 8th grade math party. I told the 'why was 6 afraid of 7' joke but added a whole tangent about irrational numbers being afraid of rational ones. 12 people stared at me in complete silence, including my mom who whispered 'are you okay' real loud. Has anyone else had a 'helpful' relative give you joke advice that totally backfired in a group setting?

Told my dad joke about a broken pencil at my nephew's birthday party and the room went dead silent for 8 full seconds

I was standing in my sister's kitchen holding a plate of cake when I said 'why is a broken pencil so sad? because it has no point' and my brother-in-law just stared at me while my 6 year old nephew asked if pencils have feelings, has anyone else had a joke land so flat you could hear the fridge humming?

Told a joke about my vacuum at a party and got death stares

I said 'my vacuum sucks, just like my dating life' and this lady goes 'my son just got diagnosed with asthma from dust mites.' I didn't even know what to say after that. Has anyone else had a joke totally blow up because of bad timing?

That $35 joke book made my wife stop talking to me for a day

Bought a pun book at a used bookstore for $35. Told her a joke about a horse walking into a bar and she looked at me like I insulted her family. Has anyone else dropped cash on a gag that totally backfired?

Rant: Told a joke at my own wedding reception and the whole room went quiet

I thought it'd be funny to toast my wife by saying 'well, looks like I'm stuck with you now' with a big grin. My wife laughed but her mom and grandma just stared at me like I kicked a puppy. I spent the next 20 minutes explaining it was a joke to like 15 relatives. Has anyone else had a harmless joke land like a lead balloon at a family thing?

Told a knock-knock joke at my sister's wedding reception...

I said 'knock knock' and she panicked thinking someone was actually at the venue door. The silence after that was so loud my uncle whispered 'maybe stick to golf jokes.'

Told a joke about my chainsaw at a dinner party - got a lecture on safety instead

I was at my sister's place near St. Louis last Friday and made a joke about how I "fired up my Stihl 661 and let it rip" when trimming branches. One guy at the table went off about PPE and kickback zones for ten minutes straight. It killed the whole room and now I second-guess every work-related joke I tell. Anyone else get a joke hijacked by someone taking it way too literal?

Told a joke about my mother-in-law at Thanksgiving dinner. Wrong crowd. My wife's family.

Spent $150 on a fancy 'silence blanket' for my snoring and it actually made things worse

My wife convinced me to buy this weighted blanket that's supposed to stop snoring by keeping you on your back. I dropped $150 on it from a website ad, used it for three nights. The thing just slid off me and bunched up at the foot of the bed, then I woke up with a sore neck. She ended up sleeping on the couch anyway. Anyone else try one of these or found a real fix that doesn't cost an arm and a leg?

Still wondering why my "knock knock" joke bombed at the family reunion

Last Saturday at my aunt's barbecue, I tried to lighten the mood after my cousin spilled potato salad on the dog. I said "Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in before the dog eats all the food!" Dead silence. My uncle just stared at me like I'd insulted his mother. Then my sister whispered it was too soon because the dog had just been to the vet for an emergency. I honestly thought it was harmless, but apparently timing is everything with these jokes. I guess you really have to read the room before you go for a pun when there's a traumatized beagle involved. Has anyone else had a joke backfire because of bad timing you couldn't have predicted?

Swore off puns after one backfired at a family dinner, then my nephew changed my mind

I told a pun about a broken pencil at my sister's house last month and my brother-in-law got all quiet because he just got laid off from his art job. My 8-year-old nephew later showed me a pun book he wrote himself with drawings and it was actually clever and made everyone laugh. Has anyone else had a joke bomb bad but then seen a kid salvage the whole concept for you?

Hot take: My "you're not fully dressed without a smile" joke at the dentist got me banned from the waiting room

So last Tuesday I'm in the chair at Dr. Chen's office in Phoenix getting a filling done. The hygienist is poking around and I figure hey, let's lighten the mood with a classic. I say "you're not fully dressed without a smile" and she just stared at me with those gloves on. Then the dentist walks in and I repeat it thinking maybe she didn't hear me. He told me flat out "that's inappropriate for a medical setting" and asked me to leave. Had to reschedule for next week and now I gotta find a new dentist. Has anyone else gotten banned from a place for a joke that was totally fine at a barbecue?

Told a 'dad joke' about my wife's cooking at a party and it went totally silent

So last Saturday at a backyard BBQ in Austin, my buddy Steve's wife brought out this casserole that looked kinda burnt on top. I thought I was being funny, said something like 'Did you use the fire alarm as a timer again?' Everyone just stared at me. Steve's wife didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I guess some jokes you keep for the family only, you know? Has anyone else had a joke about food backfire that bad?

The great debate: unsolicited advice right after a joke bombs

So here's the thing, I told this joke at my buddy's BBQ last Saturday about a horse walking into a bar and the bartender says 'why the long face.' It got a couple groans but mostly silence. Then this guy I barely know jumps in and says 'you know, timing is everything with that one, you rushed the punchline.' Honestly, I wanted to deck him. But part of me thinks maybe he was right? Like, is it better to let a bad joke die in peace and move on, or is there actually a right way to handle the silence by accepting feedback? I've been on both sides, I've had jokes flop and someone tried to 'help' me fix it, and I've also been the one who couldn't help but offer a suggestion. Which approach do you all lean toward? Let the joke rot or let someone tell you what went wrong? Have you ever actually taken advice and ended up telling the joke better later? I'm curious where the line is between being helpful and just making it worse.

Told a knock-knock joke during a work safety meeting and got written up

I thought 'knock-knock who's there' would lighten the mood after we reviewed three injury reports, but my boss said I was making light of workplace hazards. Has anyone else had a joke backfire at work?

Told a 'why did the scarecrow get an award' joke at my uncle's funeral reception and got death stares from 12 relatives

I thought he would've liked a little humor since he always told corny jokes at family dinners, but my aunt whispered that was the exact joke he bombed with at her wedding 20 years ago, has anyone else accidentally recycled a family disaster joke?

Warning: Stop making jokes about people's names at work potlucks

I watched my coworker Dave bomb three times in one hour at the office potluck last Friday. First he called Maria "Mariana" as a joke, then he asked a guy named Richard if he likes being called Dick. The third time he said someone named Amber had the same name as a traffic light. By the end of the hour nobody was talking to him and the room got super awkward. I counted 8 people physically turn away from him after the traffic light joke. Has anyone else seen a well meaning joke ruin a whole lunch break like this?

Told a pun at a funeral and got death stares

Went to my uncle's memorial last month in Des Moines. He was a huge gardener so I said 'at least he's pushing up daisies now.' Nobody laughed. My cousin whispered that was disrespectful. Has anyone else had a joke bomb that bad at a family event?

Why does everyone say my joke about the turkey was wrong?

I told my niece that the reason the turkey was dry was because it was on a diet, and she got all offended saying I was making fun of her mom's cooking. Has anyone else had a harmless joke blow up in their face like this?